Love is Everything

This week I am going to be writing about relationships and my own failed relationships as well. The below story begins with a story that took place in my late teens.

I will never forget the day I found out my former boyfriend was cheating on me. I was at the nail salon waiting for my acrylics to dry when the phone rang. It was him, and he said that he needed to talk. Immediately, I knew, “You cheated on me didn’t you?” He admitted that he did. I couldn’t stop crying, and got into the car. My nails weren’t dry and now they were messed up too.

I sped off to his house but by the time I got there he’d already spoken to the other girl and together they agreed on a bull shit story to tell me. He handed me the phone, “It was a special kiss,” she said to me. She being a girl I used to go to school with. She was from one of the poorest families in town. Sometimes I’d give her rides because she didn’t have a car. This is how she repays me? And as for the special kiss, that phrase was so corny, I don’t even think an older person long removed from modern slang would use it.

I being me, couldn’t let this rest. I did some digging, found the name of a mutual friend of theirs and gave him a call. Turns out my boyfriend, my ex friend, and the guy I was talking to and some other chick got a room at the local motel one night. Well, this was more like what I was expecting to hear. I was not at all surprised.

My boyfriend sometimes disappeared for a day or three. After breaking up with him, I actually had several people tell me they had no idea he was dating me because they saw him leave a bar or party with another girl or two. They apologized and said they would’ve told me had they any idea. One person even told me they saw him shooting heroine. I don’t know if that’s true but it made me really sick when I found out. I was young and stupid, and I loved him, I really really loved him. 

The real problem I was having now was the motel. I lived down the street from it and I would have to pass it anytime I left my house. Sometimes when I drove past it I would cry. Every time I drove past it, I felt like my stomach and heart had been ripped out of my body leaving a huge gaping hole. This went on for months.

Soon I found out that my ex friend, after doing her part to destroy my relationship, was still with her boyfriend, and somehow concealed the entire incident. I would not have this. I scoured the phone book and internet looking for her boyfriends phone number to no avail. I knew where he lived but wasn’t brazen enough to knock on his door. I did however drive by his house every time I went to work. Perhaps one day he would be outside and I could pull over and speak to him? No such luck.

Soon I forgot about my plans to avenge my heartbreak, until one day as I drove by his house, I noticed that his car was for sale. Quickly I wrote down the phone number on the for sale sign. You can guess what happened next. I called him but he didn’t seem very surprised, as we’ve established, she was clearly unchaste.

A few weeks went by, and then the unthinkable happened. One night when I was getting gas, I ran into the very angry ex friend when I went into the gas station to pay the cashier. She had spotted me from the parking lot and stormed in after me. She was practically foaming at the mouth as she shook in anger and also shook probably from her cocaine high. There are two things about this that stand out in my mind the most. She used to wear fake blue contact lenses to cover her brown eyes. I had to stifle laughter as she looked at me with one blue eye and one brown eye. She had to be high not to notice that one of her contacts was missing. Then when she lunged at me. Two kind gentlemen, a very tall and over weight white man, and a mid sized black man blocked her from jumping onto me. It was like an episode of Jerry Springer. I stood behind them as they tried to contain her and hold her back. In the struggle, the large white mans pants began to slowly creep down his legs revealing silk red boxer shorts. Again I had to stifle my laughter.

Finally she left. “Did you see her shaking?” The other man said, “That girl’s a pit bull!”

Years later on my way from from my newest romantic relationship that was beginning to crumble, I drove by the infamous motel. I couldn’t help but remember how painful it used to be for me to drive by it and how now, I could care less. After this thought passed through my mind, I began writing an article about it in my head and planning to post it on my blog. In the midst of this thought I almost slammed into a dog- no- it’s legs were to tall and stiff- a tiny baby deer- as it ran out into the middle of the road in front of me.

I was shaken and upset now, I drove further down the street and flashed my lights to the oncoming traffic, begging them to slow down, hoping the baby deer wasn’t too disoriented to make it to the other side of the road

Back when I was going out with my cheating ex boyfriend things were a real mess. He was abusive and controlling. It was horrible. My home life was equally shitty. I bounced between his home and mine like a ping pong ball, unsure of which was worse. Sometimes at night when I was crying about this or that I would see a shooting star or a gorgeous doe as I turned a corner on my drive home, but never before have I seen a baby deer, but I sensed almost hitting one was a bad omen if anything.

Not much more than a week later, I became increasingly fearful of my boyfriend. His temper was uncontrolable. He increasingly raged at me and inevitably became violent. On this day I was repping some products at a health food store. Between speaking with customers, I became wrapped up in my thoughts about him. How had someone who was so nice in the beginning become so mean? Suddenly a girl walked by me, her shirt, like a billboard with huge letters sent me a message I couldn’t ignore. It read “LOVE IS EVERYTHING.”  Finally I aknowledged that I didn’t love him anymore and perhaps I never had. Any positive feelings I had for him went out the window at least once a week when he would rage at me for no reason. Later that night he became increasingly stubborn and selfish. He refused to be there when I needed him. If he couldn’t be there for me in a crisis, what good was he? He was no good, and I will never look back because I finally realized, after everything I’d been through, that love is everything.

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